Jak 2 Outtakes
by Hyper Kid
Summary: Duh duh duh dun! For my first Jak 2 fic, I have done everything my demented mind can think of to make things go wrong. Now, I bring you to the set, and the insanity, of the film crew for Jak 2!
1. Scene 1, action!

Jak 2 Outtakes

Not copying Narrator. Just bored and playing the PS2. Warning: Language and sexual references. Jak has gutter-mind. Pairings: JakxDax, JakxTorn, JakxLSD, aka Erol, JakxAshelin, JakxPurpleJak, JakxSig, Jakx… well, basically everyone. Except Kiera. She doesn't deserve him. Each chappy is a new scene, so some are short, some are long.

Disclaimer: I do not own Jak 2. Or Jak himself, which sux. Lucky, I also don't own Daxter.

At the very beginning of the game, there's a movie. Start of the movie, chibi (ugly) Jak is about to use the time warp thingy.

Chibi Jak: #reaches out# Uh…which button do I push?  
Daxter: #sweatdrops, pushes big red button#  
Random Chick: Dax! Jak has to push it!  
Daxter: Can't I just do it?  
RC: No! Jak's the _hero!_ #Starry eyes#  
Chibi Jak: #tries to back away slowly#  
RC: #jumps him#  
Director: Knock it off you two! Uh, could someone rescue Jak?

Scene from above, take 2

C. Jak: #pushes red button#  
Time Warp Thingy: #explodes#  
Director: #bug eyes# Wha…  
Old Dude: Heh heh heh… my evil plan has worked! The supposed hero is dead and the world is mine!  
Smoke: #clears to reveal….TWT is covered in ice cream, which the chibis are rapidly eating#  
Old Dude: Ice cream?  
Director: #snickering#who sold you that again?  
Rest of the Cast: #sees maddened gleam of hyperness in all chibi's eyes# Uh… Run! #Dust cloud#

Scene from before, take 3 (I could go on with this one forever)

C. Jak: #still hyper# heeheeheeheehehehehehehehehehe! #Hits all the buttons he can reach#


	2. Jak and LSErol!

Welcome back!

Disclaimer: I would like to own Jak… but that would involve a tedious amount of court crud, and my lawyers, #points to Hiei and Dax# Don't feel up to it right now. In fact, they don't feel up to much, they're kinda…  
Hiei: I'm not short!  
Dax: Yes you are.  
No, he's vertically challenged!  
Hiei: #glaring fiery death at Dax#  
And they don't work together.  
Dax: What? We work well together, don't we, Hiei!  
Hiei: #attempts to murder him#

Scene from first movie, where Little Skinny Dude is leaning over Jak.

LSD: I'll be back later.  
Jak: See ya then, sweetie!  
Cast: #blink blink#  
Director: Cut! Isn't he supposed to be unconscious!

Scene from above, take 2

LSD: I'll be back later. I have to do the shopping.  
Jak: Be back soon, love.  
Director: Cut! Can you two keep your personal lives out of this! This is a children's game!  
Jak+LSD: #looking sheepish#

I would just like to point out that I, like any other Jak fan-girl, wish LSD, aka Erol, to die a slow painful death. This is merely for the purpose of hilarity. Is it working?


	3. Yes, I know Jak isn't a slut really

I would just like to warn you, that Erol will be called LSD through out. The original meaning was Little Skinny Dude, because I didn't know his name, but since then we have found other amusing meanings. Think up some of your own!

Disclaimer: If I owned Jak 2 I would be immediatly mobbed to death by hordes of ravening fans. I would much rather be part of the mob. So let's find the people who do own it, and...I"m not sure...  
Jak: Shouldn't you have planned this out?

Scene from opening movie when Dax first arrives

Dax: 3rd floor! Body chains and torture devices.  
Jak: You'd like that, wouldn't you?  
Director: Cut! Personal lives out!  
Jak: #in sexy voice# you know the only place they didn't put the eco?  
LSD: Jak, how could you! You said I was your only love!  
Jak: Uh…  
Dax: What! You must be crazy; no way he would give away my title!  
Torn: You lied to me Jak? #Teary eyes#  
Director: Cut! Cut? Hello, anyone listening?  
Praxis: You must all be crazy, he said his true love was me!  
Dax: You're the crazy one!  
Director: For fucks sake! Is there anyone other than me who isn't sleeping with Jak?  
Cast: #crickets#  
C. Jak: #raises hand#  
Director: Christ! Why didn't you tell me the children were still here! Get them out of here!  
#Chibis are removed#  
Director: Wow, you must really be something, Jak, to have all these.  
Jak: Heh. -  
Director: Keep you busy, do they?  
Jak: Uh…  
Director: Which would you say is the best?  
Jak: #looks across sea of hopeful faces# Hey! Didn't you say we should keep our personal lives out of this!  
Director: Slut.

(HK: #running from Jak# we know he isn't a slut really, it was just so tempting.  
Jak: Tempt this!  
HK: Help?)

I would just like to inform you that the review button has been tested for rabies, and the tests came back negative. We're checking other stuff too, but we're fairly sure you won't get sick or die if you touch it. And please do not kill me for calling Jak a slut. I have already been mobbed several times by the entire cast.  
Jak 2 Cast: #sees her# Charge!  
Eep! #hides behind riot shield#


	4. Some Jak and Dax funny business

Hewwo! Nice to see you, I'm back with yet more insanity! Because to much sanity is bad for your health, and should hence be stopped before it reaches dangerously high levels.

Disclaimer: Uh...#trying to think of a good idea# um...nada. Darn.Ah ha! Phone a friend! #pulls out small purple cellphone with grinning Purple Jak head on it#  
Jak: #elsewhere, picks up phone# Yes? Who is this? Dax! Get a way from those Metal Heads!  
Hi! You have been selected for Phone a Friend!  
Jak: I'm not your friend. Dax, watch it!  
Meanie. Just answer the question.  
Jak: Fine. What is it now?  
Do I own Jak 2?  
Jak: I bloody well hope not!  
Meanie. #hangs up#

Scene from first movie, when Jak turns purple

Purple Jak: Rarrrrrrrrrgh!  
Daxter: #looses his head completely# Bear! Run!  
P. Jak: #sweatdrops#  
Director: #laughing too hard to speak#

Scene from above, take 2  
P. Jak: Rarrrrrrrrrrgh!  
Dax: (Eeep)  
P. Jak: #advancing#  
Dax: Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh! #runs#  
P. Jak: #sweatdrops#  
Director: #laughing#

Scene from above, take 3

P. Jak: Rarrrrrrrrrrgh!  
Dax: (Eeep)  
P. Jak: #advancing#  
Daxter: #grabs his own tail#  
P. Jak: #trips on wire# Ouch.  
Director: Cut! #laughs#  
P. Jak: Grrrr…  
Director: Meep! #runs#

Scene from above, take 4

P. Jak: Rarrrrrrrrrrgh!  
Dax: (Eeep)  
P. Jak: #advancing#  
Dax: You know, you really need to change your hairstyle.  
P. Jak: huh?  
Dax: And a change of clothes. And a freakin' mint, what did you eat this morning!  
P. Jak: Um…  
Dax: #lame attempt to drag him off# Come on! Makeover time!  
P. Jak: #sweatdrops#  
Director: #trying very hard not to agree loudly, still having cuts from last Jak-attack#

Don't ya pity the director who has to put up with these lunatics? Now, if you're nice and press the review button, I'll lend you Jak. For a week. You can do whatever with him, but I want him back undamaged!  
Jak: What!


	5. some TornxJak moments

Because these are basically TornxJak one shots, they're grouped together. It may or may not happen again.

Disclaimer: 50/50 time! Question: Does HK own Jak 2? a) yes b)no c)maybe or d)John Travolta. 50/50 leaves...b)no, or d)John Travolta! Submit your answer in a review, whoever gets it right can claim a prize, almost anything they might happen to desire!

Scene from movie after you steal the Baron's flag

Torn: Wow…I guess you guys are in.  
Dax: In what?  
Jak: Or who?  
Dax: What?  
Torn+Jak: #laughing over his head#  
Director: Cut? Does anyone listen to me?

Scene from after you arrive back at Torn's base for the first time

Torn: The Baron's cut off all water to the Slums.  
Pipe: #spews water and totally floods the place#  
Director: Cut! Who was watching the chibis?

Scene just after that

Daxter: I'd like a touching moment with him!  
Jak: I'm sure you would.  
Dax: Wha?  
Torn+Jak: #laughing over his head#  
Torn: Though I'm sure we both would prefer you, Jak.  
Director: Cut! Personal lives out! Please?

Don't forget to answer the question!


	6. Double meanings, wordplay and fanservice

Yes, this is something I have noticed and despared. There is no fan service. There is never any fanservice, at least, not for girls. It's not fair.

Disclaimer: I'm too depressed to be flambouyant. I don't own Jak 2. Which just makes it worse.

Scene after you steal the ruby key in the sewer

Jak: Where would you be without me, eh Dax?  
Daxter: I probably wouldn't be two feet high, furry and running  
around in a sewer without any pants! God I miss pants.  
Jak: You could borrow mine.  
Director: No fan service on this game.  
Producer: Is that fan service?  
Director: Would be.

Scene where LSD threatens Jak at Kiera's place

LSD: I'll take you on the track.  
Jak: I thought you said you were into Kiera now.  
LSD:…  
Director: Shut up. Don't even start.

A cookie to reviewers!


	7. Some well deserved self insertion

Yes, occcassionly I have outtakes where I get to do some sorely needed interferance. And after that scene, Kiera deserves what she gets.

Disclaimer: I don't own Jak, but nor does Kiera!  
Jak: I sense jealousy here...

Scene when Kiera basically dumps him

LSD (Yes, we just discovered his name is Erol, but since he's a loser, we'll keep calling him LSD): #randomly wanders off#  
Kiera: Erol's the best racer I've ever seen. #Bitching+moaning ensues#  
Kiera: #says something I can't quite remember, but is basically mean to Jak and completely stupid, along the lines of the dark eco stuff#  
Jak: #opens mouth to speak#  
HK: Die, bitch! #Bangs Kiera's head against the wall# It was LSD's fault anyway! #Glomps Jak# Mine now!  
Director: Who brought the fan girl.

Scene after you have to race with Dax

Jak: I'm proud of you Dax.  
(everything pauses while HK awwwes at the look on Dax's face)  
Dax: Really?  
Jak: Yeah. #huuuuuuuge hug#  
Blondie: … I thought you two were over that.  
Jak: What do you expect! I just got dumped by 4 of my best loves at once!  
Blondie: So it's your fault! #murders Kiera, HK cheering her on#

Reviewers get to help me kill LSErol! Or any other jerks you can think of.


	8. a piey poem and other random crap

Pie is tasty, pie is good, you must eat pie, 'cuz I say you should! Especially chocolate cream pie.

Disclaimer: I don't own Jak 2, since when I tried to steal the rights I got sent to juvie.  
Hiei: We had to bail her out. I didn't want to.  
You meanie!  
Jak: He has a point.  
You're all so mean! #cries#  
Dax: And people think she's OLDER than she is?

Start of that mission from Krew when you have to protect the guys in the sewer

Guy1: Quiet! Here comes pretty boy.  
#The guys walk off#  
Jak: #turns, walks straight back into the elevator#

(my brother, main Jak player in our house, actually did this. I died laughing, was re-incarnated as Dax, and immediately committed suicide. Then I re-incarnated as myself, because this is fun to write)

Stuff from above, take 2

Guy1: Quiet! Here comes pretty boy.  
LSD: #jumps down shaft, kills all 3# How dare you! I'm the only one allowed to call Jak that!  
Jak: Hey, remember we talked about you being overprotective.  
LSD?  
Jak: You're doing it again.  
LSD: Oh…so?  
Jak: Never mind.  
Director: I don't want to know.

Scene from above, take 3

Guy1: Quiet! Here comes pretty boy.  
Jak: Am I really that pretty?  
Dax: Of course you are!  
Jak:-

Scene from above, take 4

Guy1: Quiet! Here comes pretty boy.  
Dax: I think they like you, Jak!  
Jak: Who doesn't.

Oh my god, Jak lost his modesty!  
Torn: What modesty?  
Point well made, dear Torny.  
Torn: Don't call me that!


	9. A few random incedents

Oh my god...I'm running out of ideas! I need some inspiration! Help, please! Or the insanity may end!  
Jak: Finally.

Disclaimer: I STILL don't own Jak 2. I think I'm gonna... Bwahahahaha! # has stolen rights to Jak  
Evil Lawyers of DOOM: We shall sue you!  
Eeep! Jak! Help!  
Jak: Why?  
HK: #has tun away#  
Evil Lawyers of DOOM: #advance on Jak#  
Jak: Agh! #shoots them#  
Evil Immortal Lawyers of DOOM: Rargh!  
Jak:#runs#

Some random point

Jak: #doing … something…or…someone…okay, just something.#  
HK: #appears, tickles him. Lots.#  
Jak: #giggling#  
Torn: #**looks disturbed by the sound#** Jak…giggles?  
Director: I didn't know Jak was ticklish. How did the fan-girl know?  
HK: Maaaaaaaaaaaaagic! -

Some random point because I can't remember if it even happens

Jak: You want a piece of me!  
Random Guy: Yes.  
Jak: Why didn't you just say so?

There truely isn't enough humor in the Jak and Daxter world...and now this little piece must come to an end... but don't worry, I'll be back to fight of the dreary depressing angst, with insanity and humor! If I get any more ideas. Until then, don't let the Sanity take over! Away! #swishes magic appearing cloak and vanishes#  
Torn: Sanity? With her?  
Jak: Not likely.


End file.
